So here I am, it is Saturday morning. Oh no wait, I lied. It has actually just gone one o’clock. WTF.
Where has today gone? I had so much to achieve and instead have just been browsing through linen shirts and wondering how anyone in history has been able to afford a velvet Oliver Bonas sofa (and this one in case you’re wondering).
This Saturday (which I want to caveat by saying I have actually really enjoyed) is the sort of time-wasting-horror that is my worst nightmare. You know, those days when you achieve basically nothing and yet the hours have gone without anything to show for it.
I woke up at a reasonable time (9.30 if you’re being nosey, and yes that is reasonable so don’t judge) and have been to the shops, put on some washing and even made a pretty spectacular breakfast, so it hasn’t all been idle browsing of my ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend’s Facebook (LOL JK…) but I haven’t done anything I consider day-worthy.
You know, that you’ll look back on in a few months’ time and be like YES that day when we swam the channel to France or rode a hot air balloon down the Thames and ate a cheeseboard with Paris Hiton.
Those big days, which the reasonable and logical part of my brain (and the part more frequently in contact with my credit card statement) says can’t be how life is all the time, but I still can’t help but want to fill my life with.
For some reason, and I don’t know if this has always been the case but certainly for the best part of the last 18 months, I no longer feel satiated unless I am chocka-block with plans and rushing from one thing to the next.
The irony of which is when I’m doing it, I really don’t enjoy it cause it is stressful as hell, but when I look at an empty day out ahead of me, I’m like ‘scuse me miss, can we shoehorn something in here?
On the surface it doesn’t feel like it is a problem, I’m just a millennial wanker valuing experiences over material things (like rent and gas bills lol) so sue me.
But on days like today when I feel like I’m failing for not being out and about and living my best life, it is corrosive, because everyone needs some down time, or else you would be even more impoverished than you already are (LITERALLY when will someone pay me just for breathing) and also just bloody knackered. Turns out plans are tiring, who knew?
So here’s a note to future me, chill the fuck out and have a cup of tea will you?