Oh the Great British summertime. Spending time on this island of ours means spending 330 days a year telling each other how great it will be when the sun finally arrives. And luckily for us global warming is doing a sterling job of making sure it is earlier and earlier every year. Thanks cars.
So here we are on the 13 April and I’m gonna call it. This is officially the first day of summer (well apart from on Monday when I said that and then it rained all afternoon…ahem) but I have higher hopes for today.
So get the Factor 50 and the Birkenstocks out people, cause the sun has well and truly got his hat on.
1. The Daily Mail reminds us all on a regular basis that Manchester IS NOW HOTTER THAN ATHENS. We basically live in a tropical paradise.
2. TESCO starts selling cider in family multi-packs because no one is drinking less than 6 of these bad boys. And Pimms. All the Pimms.
3. The tank tops come out in April. All men of South London adore a tank top and sitting really close to you on the bus so you can feel their arm hairs.
4. Cue endless wondering about why our buildings don’t have central heating. I mean, we aren’t in Lapland people and this does happen every year…
5. We question everything we know about carpet and it’s place in our lives.
6. The park now seems a legitimate venue for a Friday night as a non-homeless, non-16-year-old drinker.
7. This also means that every other Londoner will be competing for the same patch of dry grass as you. Gets real cosy.
8. You BBQ everything. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. Nothing is off limits here people.
9. You forget that the sun is now a hot ball of fire and park your car in it’s rays so that when you return to your vehicle you can now roast yourself within it like a little rack of lamb.
10. You reminisce about when a ’99’ flake actually did cost 99p. Three pounds? The ice cream isn’t even that nice guys but obvs we have to eat one for nostalgic purposes.
11. You decide that buying a paddling pool from B&Q is the best idea ever. You fill it with water only to realise that you’re too adult-size for any of this to be OK anymore.
12. Pubs. Pub gardens. Wine. Rose. Ice bucket. We are the classiest of all nationalities when it comes to summer beverages.
13. You begin an endless internal battle with yourself about exactly how inappropriate it would be to wear flip flops to that meeting.
14. And a bikini on the Central Line.
15. And why god on earth do I not play rounders every lunchtime? THIS IS MY SPORT. I’VE FINALLY FOUND IT. LET THE WORLD KNOW I AM SERENA WILLIAMS OF ROUNDERS.
16. Within 24 hours we have all have quite enough of the heat and everyone starts moaning about how damn warm it is. Like seriously, where’s some rain at?