Here I am on a Sunday afternoon trying to write a blog post whilst cooking all my lunches for the week and simultaneously ordering bed-partner on how best to hang the washing on the clothes horse.
No I am not a control freak. Everyone just knows that you can’t hang trousers on the bottom rung. Obvs.
Despite the vision of productivity that Sunday has become, actually all I want to do is watch Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and eat my leftover Easter eggs in the bath.
(And if no one has lived such a sheltered life they have never eaten Diary Milk in a bubble bath, then go, right now, sort that girl.)
Now I would the the first to admit that I am a hard worker. I take on a lot. I push myself to do a lot. I am most certainly a ‘yes’ person by character.
Not to mention the career which I’ve been building and yearning for years means constant hustling. Always putting yourself out there, agreeing to opportunities to get your name/your work/your face on the brands you’ve always aspired to be part of.
But there is a limit.
A point where you can’t use every minute of the day to it’s maximum potential.
Sorry inspirational quotes. Sorry world. Sometimes you can’t sustain that over a long period of time.
For the last few months, in fact since the beginning of 2016, I have been sure to use every minute of the day in one way or another to further myself.
Whether that’s blogging, taking photographs, at work, at the gym, weekends away, travelling – even watching Netflix has become the most purposeful way of a previously inane way to spend time. No longer do you just turn on the box and watch something to zone out.
Now every minute is full of purpose and intention.
In the short term that is great, we can achieve more and push ourselves to be the best version of ourselves. But sometimes you just need to switch off.
To eat Dominos in your pyjamas and stare at the ceiling.
To have a Harry Potter marathon with guilt-free weekend wasting and not feeling like you should have been rock climbing and learning to code and getting a full body wax.
And I’m worried I’m burning out. I feel myself struggling more and more to sustain this high level of operation without resentment and feeling like I’m fighting against myself.
After all no one else is requiring this of me. I set the bar this high myself. Because when it works, it works.
But when it doesn’t. It runs you into the ground faster than you can say – so who has Dominos on speed dial?