I could have sworn I’d already written this post. In my head this was definitely written. Perhaps it’s because this transition is something that occupies 95% of my brain capacity every single damn day.
Alas a look through my archives reveals it is yet to be written. As noughties icon Natasha Bedingfield said – the rest is still unwritten (Does this give anyone else a pang of The Hills early days sadness? Oh Lauren and Audrina <3 <3 <3). What a time to be alive.
Now I don’t know about you, but as I approach my quarter-century I feel like I technically qualify as an adult. I pay taxes. I have a job. I spend weekends at IKEA for god’s sake.
But I’d be lying if I said I’m fully there. I feel like a fraud. I’m the embodiment of faking it till I make it. Some days I spend all day in my adult job, having meetings, changing the toner in the photocopier and talking to Alan from Accounts about my p45 then I’ll go home and eat a Twirl for dinner.
1.Spending all your money on luxurious eye creams crafted like spun silk that you can only buy at the cosmetics counter in Selfridges. Still wearing Boots £2.99 eyeliner on top.
2. Researching ISAs and Help To Buy Schemes. Weighing up the pros and cons of a pension scheme and how much I need to save to get a mortgage. I don’t need to buy food for the next ten years really… do I?
3. Want to set fire to my own face/the London housing market and decide to spend all my savings on mini-breaks to Ibiza and McDonalds hash browns instead.
4. Paying for a gym membership and turning up so regularly you’re on first name terms with the Pilates instructor.
5. Returning from the gym and eating smiley faces and a beige buffet for dinner three nights in a row.
6. Going for smear tests, considering the long term effects of the pill on my wilting ovaries, investing in a fertility chart and looking up baby names.
7. Remembering I still can’t work the Nespresso machine and decide a child isn’t safe in my care. Best stick with a puppy.
8. Wanting a long term relationship, someone to share Netflix passwords with and someone to eat the huge amount of pasta you insist on cooking because you still can’t work out portion control.
9. Deciding to just become a master of Tinder instead and keep a long-term relationship with prosecco. That baby don’t even forget to buy you flowers on Valentines Day.
10. Buying house plants and flowers for yourself because you’re a queen and you deserve an abundance of flora and fauna in your personal space.
11. Flicking between a documentary about global warming and informed discussions to a Harry Potter marathon and building a duvet castle.
12. Still not having mastered making your money last until pay day. What is this wizardry and who can teach me how?
13. Wondering why the government hasn’t given you lessons (or at least a pamphlet) on how to not be a fuck up. I thought school was meant to be the hardest part.
14. Remembering to buy birthday, Christmas and other-special-occassion cards. I’m even big enough to buy my own wrapping paper now and not just steal it from other people to construct a patchwork quilt.
15. Still forgetting the date of the birthday itself.
16. Making restaurant reservations and dinner dates with friends because you need to chat politics and BBC news and where can I buy a hat like Jeremy Corbyn’s?
17. Getting too drunk before you’ve ordered any food and deciding to go and sing karaoke instead. Lucky Voice you give me the lungs of Adele.
18. Deciding to go home before midnight because girl is savvy and needs to get eight hours sleep a night to function.
19. Falling asleep on the night bus and waking up in Croydon. SOMEBODY HELP ME.
Jacket – Topshop
Shirt – COS
Trousers – &OtherStories
Sunglasses – RayBan
Shoes – COS (ASOS cheaper pair here)