If our hobbies were to be summed up in a single item, we’d all hope we’d be a vintage map of the world or a well-used yoga mat – in reality I would be one of those coffee coasters that says ‘Keep Calm and Go Shopping’. I promise I’m not really as boring as a cork-based drinks holder guys, really.
Online shopping for me is my gateway drug, the facilitator of my (what we shall call at this time) habit rather than addiction. But how do you know when that habit turns sour and crosses the line?
Recently I have found myself striving for an answer and through some (not entirely conclusive) self-diagnostic Googling, the only distinction I have drawn thus far is once it interferes with your finances that’s when you’re in too deep. But it doesn’t feel satisfactory – so I have devised my own 10 step indicator to decide – how much shopping really is too much?
Step 1: The UPS / Fed-ex (whoever is your carrier of choice) knows your first name. We’ve all been there – it says it on the box for heaven’s sake – plus you’re the one hanging around by the photocopier looking at him eager eyed.
Step 2: You have the returns and refunds process down to a fine art. In my defense that ASOS model definitely has the same size thighs as me…
Step 3: Hiding your purchases from a S.O. Oh good god people, get real, this has been going on for years. If this was a litmus test of my problem then I’d rather it wasn’t measured on a man who only owns a single pair of shoes. (I know, what?)
Step 4: Seeing every surface as a feasible place to conduct shopping lists. Phone notes, self-addressed emails, bank statements, cereal boxes.
Step 5: Using the online shopping cart filler as a way to scratch that itch. Note, this gesture becomes vacuous when The Outnet has your card details on file and only requires a one-click transaction. Damn you for being so slick and affordable.
Step 6: Bookmarking e-retailer sites as your favourite tabs. Yeah guys – I mean who does this? Don’t you have them saved to memory…?
Step 7: When present sober you leaves a basket full of items open on your computer before a night out fully in the knowledge that future drunk you will be way more gung-ho with clicking the confirmation button. Just make sure you don’t apply this tactic to Ebay – unless you want 3 Nutribullets turning up next week.
Step 8: When you have so many parcels pending arrival you can play Russian Roulette on which gets there first – try to keep this number in the single digits.
Step 9: When your credit card sees more action daily than your bus pass – not guilty – I ride the bus more than the pensioners round here. It is just so cold.
Step 10: When you can list all the New Arrivals on Net A Porter like you’re reeling off your phone number. Well I require speed dial for everyone and honestly I only have enough space in my short-term memory to store so much information and I insist on retaining the daily specials at the sandwich shop over New Arrivals. So I’m not quite here yet.
So, where do you fall on the spectrum? And how much really is too much?
Photo from Pinterest